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Friday, April 27, 2012

Foxy lady.

Someone has been hacking into my account recently, and I can't figure out who. Darn kids, nowadays. I was just telling Pearl that there's something fishy, or should I say foxy, going on in the neighborhood. Pearl heard Elle tell Abe... I know, confusing... that she, Elle, had seen a fox in the neighborhood. Of course, Abe was like, "Sure there was a fox in the neighborhood." Then, he gave me that wink and nod thing. I was thinking, don't involve me in this. Does he really not know who is boss?

Well, then this morning, Abe was taking me to the faux dog park. You know, that place near our house that isn't a dog park but has all the trappings of a dog park without being a dog park? It's kind of weird cuz faux and fox are kinda similar. Anyway, we're walking to the faux dog park, and doing our thing and Abe's like, "What the?" and I'm like, "Why is that squirrel so big?"

OK, this is not a photo Abe took because the two photos Abe took are so sad. They're laughable. I mean, here's the guy walking along side me, leash in one hand, chuck-it in the other, and a skatbag in a third. He's barely able to get his phone out, which isn't a camera by the way, but it comes with one... technology! And he snaps this...
A sidewalk, or pavement, footpath, footway, and sometimes platform, is a path along the side of a road. A sidewalk may accommodate moderate changes in grade (height) and is normally separated from the vehicular section by a curb.
What the hell is this? It's a freaking sidewalk. That's what it is. I mean, who takes a photo of a fox from like 200 feet away and expects to see anything? Take a class, dude!

We continue on, and the fox picks up a pine cone or something at the end of the block.  It crosses our way.  A motorcycle drives by, and then we reach the corner.  Look at this!
This is a front of a house!
Abe! Seriously! You're a college graduate, and this is the best you can do? I see maybe a blur by the fence, but maybe it's one of those ghost images or something. FAIL!

Well, I got all excited cuz it sure looked like a squirrel, and who doesn't like to play with squirrels, right?
Will someone sign Abe up for a photography class, please?

Friday, April 20, 2012

The plo0t.

Me as I plo0t my take o0ver.
Yes, it is Pearl. I co0ntinue to0 plo0t my takeo0ver o0f the wo0rld. O0f co0urse, my do0minio0n is small no0w, but soo0n it will gro0w. All that yo0u see will be mine. Muhahaha!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Where the *bleep* is Elle?

Where the hell are you, Elle?
Bummed. That's what I am. It's like, something is missing in my life. Elle's been traveling for days now. I mean, sure it was fun for Abe I'm sure. The bachelor life. Showering when he wants. Occasionally having people over. Company is always fun for me and Pearl, but you know. Enough is enough already.
Abe's been eating Pizza every night!
 Abe's diet is suffering, too. Drinking vino by himself, pizza. Ugh, I even caught him eating salad! Good grief! What does he think he is, a cow or something?
Elle's handiwork.
Elle's been gone so long she's missed the tulips. What the hell is a tulip, and why is Pearl taking photos in color? She knows we only see in black and white.
Pearl's losing patience.
Pearl's on edge too. Elle was supposed to get back yesterday, but I heard Abe talking to himself about maintenance, flat tire, and plane. This talking to himself thing has got to stop. It's kinda wigging us out, and it's been going on for too long. Six days!

Anyway, while Abe showered this morning, (thankfully he did because he was really getting a little ripe), his phone pinged. It was a text from Elle. She's boarding.

Crap, Pearl. They're boarding Elle? We better call in reinforcements.