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Friday, January 27, 2012

The dog's cajones.


I’ve been feeling neglected. I know, I know. How can you say that, you ask. With trips to the faux-dog park (the school near the house) and the real dog park, and then there’s the playing ball in the backyard, it’s hard to argue that I haven’t been getting a lot of attention. But Abe’s been spending too much time working on his book. I’m not quite sure what books are exactly. It seems like a lot of nonsense to me, words and stuff, but Pearl assures me that they make good chew toys.  I can’t say I believe her, but maybe I’ll give it a try some day.

Elle’s also been on a “fitness kick” recently, going for runs without me. “Alone time” she calls it. What? Just because I like car headlights and can’t help getting excited about them as they speed by?  Geesh. Selfish.

Anyway, Abe’s got this obsession with balls now. He figures if he gives me one every couple of weeks I’ll lay off him a little bit. Maybe forgive him for concentrating on a computer screen and not me.
This speaks for itself.
As a result, I’ve become a bit of a ball connoisseur. You would too if you taste tested a new one each week. I mean, I’ve become an aficionado, an habituĂ© if you will. And yet, I find it hard not to like my first. Just a plain old football.

Sometimes, the original ball is just as good as any.
Well, anyway, considering you’re reading this and might be interested in balls yourself, I figure I could rank them in order of preference. Maybe give you a ball view, I mean review. Man. Abe's been getting Chuckit! balls. He likes to say "Clutchit!" on days he doesn't make my ears blush.  On those days he says "#$%&it!" balls.
The "Ultra Ball"
The "Ultra Ball" is pretty nice, I admit. It's a bit frustrating in that you can't destroy it. Regular tennis balls fall apart under duress, especially when we're at the dog park. Plus, you can wash these, Pearl says. Who needs to wash a ball?

"
"The Whistler"
The whistler does exactly that. It whistles. I've found it to mostly just be another ball. Whistling balls don't turn me on as it turns out.

"Erratic Ball" and "Max Glow"
The "Erratic Ball" is not that erratic, despite its name. I'm more partial to the "Max Glow." It's much easier to see at night. Without the glowiness, I spin circles.  Pearl laughs at me and makes me feel stupid, but let's see her move her fat a$$ and find a ball in the dark. It's not as easy as it seem.

"Drag 'N Fly"
Pearl convinced me that Abe bought a real dragonfly, so I was all excited to see one in winter, but no. It was just another stupid ball. Despite that, this is a fun ball, and Abe hasn't accidentally thrown it into the neighbor's yard like he has the "Max Glow" and "Ultra Ball." I think he got this ball more for himself than for me. I mean, it's not my problem he can't aim, right?

OK, here's the ranking in order of preference:

  1. Football. Was there any doubt? Given the chance, I pick it up every time.
  2. "Max Glow." Better for nighttime play.
  3. "Ultra Ball." When going the distance, you always go ultra.
  4. "Drag 'N Fly." I like its erratic behavior, and I like that Abe cares enough to keep balls in the yard.
  5. "The Whistler." At least it makes a noise.
  6. "Erratic Ball." It sucks.
Well. Here's to balls.
The collection.


Monday, January 16, 2012

It's about civil rights.

Man, am I POed. I'm chomping at the rawhide here, people, and I'm not going to take this sitting pretty. There has been outright racism. And, on Martin Luther King Jr. Day at that! I don't know who this Martin Luther is, something about a thesis and pinning it to a door. Why anyone would turn in their homework by tacking it to a church is beyond me. Don't you usually hand it into a teacher?

Oh, no. Wait a minute. Pearl tells me that it's the King Jr. part that's the most important bit. You see, apparently this guy was a great champion of civil rights. We have him, in part, to thank for Abe and Elle getting today off. I was beginning to wonder if they'd lost their jobs or something, and they didn't have the heart to tell us. It means it's more than just a rest day. It also explains more why it relates to racism, because I had no idea why tacking homework to a church had anything to do with that.

Anyway, why am I mad? Read this article. It seems that the "Academy," (which sounds kind of schoolish to me, so again you can see why I confused it with the Martin Luther part) doesn't give animals their due. It seems that this year animals are all over the movies. From Uggie the dog to Joey the horse.  And none of them qualify for Best Actor.

Us animals work hard to entertain you. There's injustice in this world, I know, from North Koreans torturing puppies to helping others in need, but this one takes the dog biscuit.

Pearl says I sound snarky, but I did warn you that I'm a little ticked off. Wouldn't you be?  Sure, there are far worse things to get all up-in-paws about than the movie industry failing to recognize the contributions of your four-legged friends.  But, we do the lion's share of the work sometimes.  Really, you think this guy likes having his tail tugged on so you'll know it's MGM?



Yeah, I didn't think so. Well, all this thinking about stuff has made me kind of sad. You know, blue. Kind of like Picasso's The Old Guitarist. There is nothing fake about the sadness in this piece. How the guitarist looks dead almost and blind even.
I may look sad, but damn, I'm mad.
I know, it's sad.  There's no acting there.  It's not nearly as bad as losing MLK, Jr., giving your life to a cause, working toward making the world a better place for everyone.

Well, I've come off the ledge, Pearl says. I guess I have. I just wish sometimes the world were nicer. Like the look on Abe's face when I greet him in the morning with my tail wagging and my two legged hop.  Or, maybe when Elle gets all excited when I know the difference between my right and left paw. Seriously, they're easily entertained. But, I do it to make the world better, I guess, if only a small part of it.

Friday, January 6, 2012

I've had an epiphany.

I hate to get religious and all, but damn, I love this Christmas thing.  I mean, the gifts just keep coming.  It's like 12 days of you-know-what... toys!  Who doesn't like getting gifts?  In fact, I heard Abe and Elle talking about an epiphany the other day, and I thought wow... what an idea.  You know, like, BAM, in your face insight into the reality or essential meaning of something.  As in, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.*  Well, I know for a fact that there ain't nothing commonplace about them, but I feel I've had an epiphany of toys.

So, my girls Bailey and Wiley got me and Pearl some goodies for the holidays.  Okay, probably Shin and Eve got the gifts, but you know, it's the thought that counts.
This is for me?
You mean I can really open this?



Abe and Elle weren't scrooges either, mind you.  We got lots of gifts from them too.
Before.

During.
After.
Well.  Things are wrapping up here.  That tree I noticed in the living room the other day is gone, even though I know I marked it as mine.  And all those scented candles seemed to have disappeared too.  Weird how that is.  I don't think Pearl ate them.

Things change, I guess.

Monday, January 2, 2012

No sleep till Brooklyn.

I've been hearing some grumblings about Santa and his not bringing another female into the house. At least that's what I heard Abe jabbering on about the other day when Elle wasn't around. She was out with me running, doing our Meadowbrook shuffle, as I like to call it. Pearl said she heard Abe say that he wanted another dog. It's not like two aren't enough. I mean, it's not like the old guy doesn't have his hands full with me and Pearl. Boy, was my 100% on all the time personality a surprise to him. Hehe!

In any case, Pearl said something about Brooklyn. I immediately thought of the Beastie Boy's No Sleep Till Brooklyn. Can you blame me really?



"Rocking this party eight days a week!" See, they can't even count. Clearly, their dew claws have been fouled somehow.

Wait a minute. Pearl says I've got it wrong. That Brooklyn is another dog. Really? Weird, because I thought it was a borough, whatever that is. What a weird word, borough is.

Stop confusing me, Pearl!

Anyway, it seems that Abe and Elle went to go see Brooklyn. Apparently, she's a dog. Whew. Cuz I was wondering how they were going to get Brooklyn the borough in the house. Seems like a lot of people, know what I'm saying.

OK, OK, Brooklyn is a dog, and if I were to judge dogs solely on appearances, she's probably the best dog out there. Why? She looks like me. Well, maybe not completely like me, but we do share a pink nose, and where her eyes are different colors, (mine are brownish and hers are black and blue), mine are kind of the same. She's got similar patterns too. She's young-ish. The shelter says she's 10 months old.
This is Brooklyn.
Apparently, Abe prefers to call her Brookline over Brooklyn.  He likes Boston, I guess.
For those of you interested in Brookline, or Brooklyn, visit the Champaign County Humane Society. I hope Brookline, Brooklyn, finds a home soon. I just can't let someone who looks so much like me go without a home. It's like, weird.