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Friday, January 27, 2012

The dog's cajones.


I’ve been feeling neglected. I know, I know. How can you say that, you ask. With trips to the faux-dog park (the school near the house) and the real dog park, and then there’s the playing ball in the backyard, it’s hard to argue that I haven’t been getting a lot of attention. But Abe’s been spending too much time working on his book. I’m not quite sure what books are exactly. It seems like a lot of nonsense to me, words and stuff, but Pearl assures me that they make good chew toys.  I can’t say I believe her, but maybe I’ll give it a try some day.

Elle’s also been on a “fitness kick” recently, going for runs without me. “Alone time” she calls it. What? Just because I like car headlights and can’t help getting excited about them as they speed by?  Geesh. Selfish.

Anyway, Abe’s got this obsession with balls now. He figures if he gives me one every couple of weeks I’ll lay off him a little bit. Maybe forgive him for concentrating on a computer screen and not me.
This speaks for itself.
As a result, I’ve become a bit of a ball connoisseur. You would too if you taste tested a new one each week. I mean, I’ve become an aficionado, an habitué if you will. And yet, I find it hard not to like my first. Just a plain old football.

Sometimes, the original ball is just as good as any.
Well, anyway, considering you’re reading this and might be interested in balls yourself, I figure I could rank them in order of preference. Maybe give you a ball view, I mean review. Man. Abe's been getting Chuckit! balls. He likes to say "Clutchit!" on days he doesn't make my ears blush.  On those days he says "#$%&it!" balls.
The "Ultra Ball"
The "Ultra Ball" is pretty nice, I admit. It's a bit frustrating in that you can't destroy it. Regular tennis balls fall apart under duress, especially when we're at the dog park. Plus, you can wash these, Pearl says. Who needs to wash a ball?

"
"The Whistler"
The whistler does exactly that. It whistles. I've found it to mostly just be another ball. Whistling balls don't turn me on as it turns out.

"Erratic Ball" and "Max Glow"
The "Erratic Ball" is not that erratic, despite its name. I'm more partial to the "Max Glow." It's much easier to see at night. Without the glowiness, I spin circles.  Pearl laughs at me and makes me feel stupid, but let's see her move her fat a$$ and find a ball in the dark. It's not as easy as it seem.

"Drag 'N Fly"
Pearl convinced me that Abe bought a real dragonfly, so I was all excited to see one in winter, but no. It was just another stupid ball. Despite that, this is a fun ball, and Abe hasn't accidentally thrown it into the neighbor's yard like he has the "Max Glow" and "Ultra Ball." I think he got this ball more for himself than for me. I mean, it's not my problem he can't aim, right?

OK, here's the ranking in order of preference:

  1. Football. Was there any doubt? Given the chance, I pick it up every time.
  2. "Max Glow." Better for nighttime play.
  3. "Ultra Ball." When going the distance, you always go ultra.
  4. "Drag 'N Fly." I like its erratic behavior, and I like that Abe cares enough to keep balls in the yard.
  5. "The Whistler." At least it makes a noise.
  6. "Erratic Ball." It sucks.
Well. Here's to balls.
The collection.


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